Tuesday, December 6, 2011
What do you think?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Second I just plain old don't feel good and spent more hours in bed than out. I should have had my first surgery by now but of course.....there are school aged kids living with me. In September my grandson brought me home a cold. By the first week in October it turned into a sinus infection, by the third week of October it was bronchitis and by the first week in November I was borderline pneumonia. So I am still sitting here coughing and gagging, it takes a long time for me to get over it. At this point there will be no surgery until after the holidays. So between sleeping and creating I am just filling my Etsy shop as best I can with prayers for holiday sales. Just maybe a miracle will strike and I can get my Cable and internet back after the holiday season is done. I would love to watch a tv show. Although I have caught up on years of reading I haven't had time for. Hope everyone is well and getting ready to have great Holiday's!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
This is a new picture of Alex. He is still very much missing his best friend. He spends most nights laying at the top of the stairs just watching and waiting, not realizing Morgan's not coming home. Just makes me want to bundle him in a blanket and carry him around.
I actually just stopped for a quick update. I saw the new surgeon on Thursday and while I do not know much yet I do know Henry has to be removed from my head. The increase in size has the tumor pressing on my brain. That is the cause of the daily headaches and dizziness and some problems with the left side of my body. I don't know when I will be having this surgery yet. This surgeon is very , very thorough. He wants copies of every MRI I have had on my brain and back since 2004. He want's new MRI's on my entire spine. Once he has all this testing and information gathered I will have another appointment with him to see where we are headed. Now back to my sequins.....
Monday, September 12, 2011
Third, they make great party favors, different than the norm but in order to do a bulk order even for a small party, I need time.
So I am putting aside the amulet bags and pictures for a bit and working on ornaments so they are in the shop and ready to go!!
A great way to be spending a lovely , sunny September day!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
In the few day's since I posted last we have been making progress, I have my surgeon appointment this week. We got the all clear for Tori to start once again so she has several appointments set up over the next few weeks so we are at least once again striving forward.
Of course at the same time this is a moment where my stomach starts to knot. The pile of bills I am looking at are just from what I have had done this past two months, I will have another pile after the surgeon visit and 2 more piles when Tori starts her appointments so I am looking at being lost at a sea of medical debt on top of everything else.
That means keep my blinders on and work straight forward on my product and list it, advertise it, list it , shout it out, list it...yup that's the idea. If I could ask the world to do anything for me I would ask that you share my link. Yes I know that it's hard enough to keep your own shop out there but there is nothing else I would or could ask for other than a Jeanie in a Bottle that could crinkle her nose and blink her eyes and a pile of cash could appear on my desk!
Happy September! www.debsparkles.etsy.com
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I haven't posted in a few weeks because I have been in a quandry over a number of things going on in my life. First I am still worried sick about my granddaughter. We still haven't gotten any farther with things because she just keeps getting sick with one infection after another. I am told this is very normal in a person who suffers such a severe case of mono and it could take even another year before she stabilizes to the point things can be done to help her get healthier.
She is such a tough kid and she has lived so long with so much pain it is now her normal and she deals with it very well on a daily basis. Maybe I also have something to do with that because she has watched me work so hard at controlling my own illness but someone who did not know her well would never , ever guess how sick she is. I get scared, I know it's an awful thought but I often wonder if help will come in time. I know that's not a thought I should have but it gets hard watching her try to be brave and not let the world see what a struggle every day is for her.
There are many things going on that are best left unsaid. I can tell you I just recently went through the hoops seeing my MD and my Neurologist. I had lot's of blood work, a stress test, and some MRI's. For the most part things are looking good, I have made slow but steady progress and next week I will have been back to work part time for a full year. I am very proud of that fact. Now here comes the but...........
Remember Henry? Henry the tumor that had to be left in my head. Henry who takes the blame every time I do something stupid or forget something important or fall down when I'm standing still. Yup that one.
All of the sudden Henry has decided to double in size after 6 years of doing nothing. So my neurologist say's I have to see a neurosurgeon. I asked if this was really a big deal and the answer was yes. The fact that it is growing presents the threat of it attaching to my brain. I won't know until I see the surgeon but neurologist thinks it needs to come out now before it has a chance to change.
The upside? This surgery is a piece of cake compared to what I went through with the Chiari Surgery. My mom had surgery for a brain aneurysm and say's that it was not at all painful.
Healing time is maybe 4 to 6 weeks after surgery, wonderful as compared to the 6 years it took after Chiari surgery.
The downside? As I just said above, I have been back to work for a full year. I have made decisions and plans on how to move forward with my life and this may through a monkey wrench into everything. I am afraid of losing everything once again just when I am trying to pull it altogether. I"m angry. I'm angry that once again when I have taken one step forward I am going to be pulled two steps back. But I will get over it. I am just getting a bit tired of spinning my wheels. But then again I will be sporting my 3rd crewcut so in about 6 months my hair will be soft and all my own color of grey once more ;o)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Then I wonder if I should be making some changes. But what? Years ago I sold well on Ebay. That does not happen anymore. I just sink money I don't have into listing fees and get nothing out of it. I was on Zibbet for a year without a single sale. I have looked at Artfire a few times and I am just not comfortable with it. I have talked with my brother about starting to just list my items on my own website but that costs money and I really like the fact that my website not only gives me the opportunity to lead people to my Etsy shop with a small sampling of what I make , it costs me very little in fees per year since my brother built and hosts it.
Decisions, decisions, decisions!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
He say's to me, Mom how do I make this decision, she is going to be mad at me.
I said, No TJ she will love you forever for ending her pain,. her job here is done.
End of story.
I am sharing this with you because in truth, I am as heartbroken as my son, I loved this dog and even though I knew this was how it had to be it still hurts and I needed to tell someone that.
Thank you for listening
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I have once again started putting work in both my Etsy shop and my Ebay Auction. I know, I know, I get very discouraged with Ebay but I have to keep trying. Any way, I have not finished putting my Underwater painting together, just don't seem to find the room to work but I will get it done. This picture above is an Amulet bag I just finished tonight. Can't seem to get a good pictures but it's gorgeous. So I listed it on Ebay, I took alot of extra pictures so if it doesn't sell it will be easy enough to slide over to my Etsy store. I just last week started working 6 day weeks for the busy summer season, cross your fingers for me, it is too much for me but I want to hang in there, at the same time I am once again going through alot of junk with my Dr.s.
I know I haven't done a Tori update in a while, that's simply because there isn't much to update, she keeps getting sick, we did find out when she was supposed to have surgery she got that ear/sinus/throat infection because she seems to have had a relapse on the mono so she is still as alway's very infection prone. Add that to , we still have no answers on the thryroid. I keep saying I want an answer and none is forthcoming. All her new testing has been held up with more insurance problems so it's looking like it will be the end of summer before we start getting help again to get this poor kid straightened out. Maybe we can be hospital roommates because between the two of us this is going to be a rough end of year.
Any way, I probably don't make alot of sense right now but as I said, I have got a ton of crap going on that I am trying to deal with and I'm not doing a real good job at the moment. Just going to stop thinking and go play with my beads some more. Hope everyone is enjoying summer so far!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
AlyGator........This is going to be a beaded painting, just haven't had the canvas stretched yet, I love it when you comment, sadly I still can't get blogger to let me respond to comments on my own blog posts....sigh.....
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
I'm sure your wondering why this picture up here. This is my son TJ and his girl Liz. Yesterday was TJ's 27th birthday. He is my baby so I am feeling a bit melancholy not to mention a little old ;o) Any way, it's hard to get a good picture of these two and I just really liked this one.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Well I got tired of trying to find a solution and went to the help section. A number of people are having these problems and the few who commented with suggestions and possible solutions did not work for me. So I guess at this time there is no fix.
I feel really bad, if you have left a comment on my post, I did take the time to read it. I did try to respond but its just not working..........
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
I am making a sand castle. This one on raw canvas. I have a ton of it having collected it over the years for different projects but could not use it for my pictures because I can't use a regular embroider hoop with it. My mom gave me a square scrolling embroidery frame the other day and it is perfect. The slits for my canvas are the perfect size. When the frame is all together I have just the right amount of work area and I can roll a good amount of canvas so that when I need to I just scroll it up or down . I am tickled about this. Now I don't have to wait until I have money to buy stretchers and have them done for me, I can make pictures and have them stretched as I can.
I have not yet decided on the background for this, either it will be setting on the beach or underwater with a few beaded fishes coming home, I will decide as I go along.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Is any one else having this issue??
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
My dad, retired Navy
My brother Scott, retired Marines
My brother in law James, retired Army
My nephew Corey, currently Army, Afghanistan
My cousins, Amy and Todd, Army , currently Iraq.
My prayers for their safety and hoping they are all home again soon.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
So we go back to hanging in limbo again and waiting some more. Heather told me last night she really thinks we need to go back to our original decision and take her to Boston because we just don't know which way to turn and don't feel like any progress is being made. In the mean time Tori gets sicker and sicker. Her weight loss is now up to about 42 pounds and I hate what I am thinking but I am so horribly exhausted from this whole past 9 months of all this that I am having a real problem being the positive person I try to be and can't stop from wondering if she is going to get through this or not at the rate we are going.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so negative but truly enough is enough.
I will post when she is better enough to start over and let you know what we are going to do. I think I am inclined to agree with Heather, let's revert back to the original plan, get her to Boston and pray we get better help because I am feeling truly negative about what is going on here .
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Mean time, I don't seem to be getting much of a response to my give away so please share my link with any one who might like a chance to win the Amulet bag.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Any way, I have been doing alot of thinking today, yes again, with everything coming up with Tori, I need to really start promoting my shop better and if you know me, well, you know it's a really weak spot. I am not good with self promotion. That being said, all my thinking gave me an idea. I am going to do my very first give-away. Tomorrow night, I will post a picture of what I will be giving away and how I want to do it so watch for a post tomorrow evening.
I'm excited about doing this, have wanted to for a while but just needed the right time and motivation. Meanwhile, I'm going to go think some more and just maybe fall asleep. Good night my friends.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Our plans have changed though. While we really wanted to take her to Shriners, that's not working out really well, too long of a wait time for us. Too far away from home for family, no transportation for taking turns between who is with Tori and who is home with Josh. We have no car and we just can't see leaving the hospital after surgery to make her ride home on a bus or train.
So, she will be having surgery at Albany Medical Center which is okay. The oncologist, Dr. Valentine has privileges there and will be doing her surgery. Her neurosurgeon, Dr. Amato is at Albany Medical so he will be there, funny part is the day she was to have her next appointment with him was Saturday, the 21st so that makes things really conveniant for everything right now. Barring any unforeseen problems she will have surgery Friday morning and be released on Sunday morning. So this week is preop testing and the waiting will be over before we know it. I know we have alot ahead of us but I will be so relieved when this is out of her. Maybe that doesn't make a lot of sense considering she will stay have the radioactive iodine treatment ahead of her then the surgery on her back and head but at least some action is finally being started. That helps me breath a bit easier.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tori has Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma. This is the most common form of thyroid cancer, tends to hit woman more than men with no real reason or cause known. It is a slow growing cancer, and the most treatable. Next week Heather and Tori are taking a trip to Boston, Mass to the Shriners Hospital. At this time they will meet with case workers, the physician team that will be working on her and just get shown around the hospital in general. They will come home from this visit with a surgery date. She will have the thryoid removed and to be honest they can not tell until they are doing the surgery whether they must remove the entire thyroid or can just take the side infected by the cancer. Most surgeries end up with the entire thyroid being taken. After this surgery she should be home quickly, within a day or 2. Then for at least a week my house will basically be under quarentine. No friends, no people in and out, her mom and brother can not be here, this is due to risk of germs, as she will have a very, very , low immunity to the everyday germs we carry. I will be the only one she is exposed to at that time, better get my clorox bottles stocked up!
After a approx. 5 to 6 weeks healing time she will go back to the hospital. She will be administered radioactive iodine. Just a very small dose at first then a scan is done that will show any thryoid residue, active cancer cell, anything missed in the surgery. Then she gets the full dose and comes home again. This time my house will be under quarentine again even more so. Not because of germs, but because she herself will be radioactive and can share that with others. I cannot get any closer than 6 feet from her. She has to be in her room alone, the front bathroom must be for her use only. I will be stocking up on paper plates, cups and plastic forks , etc. I must wash her laundry seperate from anything else in the house. This should really get interesting. But the good news is doing it this way, she avoids things like coming home vomiting, or losing her hair and all that stuff we associate with chemo and radiation. She should heal pretty quickly, the real downfall is she will spend the rest of her life taking medicine to replace the hormones her thyroid provides naturally.
One week from Saturday she has an appointment with her neurosurgeon, this will be on hold until the thryoid cancer is taken care of but they will formulate the plan for the neurosurgery.
This is going to be a crazy time for all of us, Joshua will be with me while Heather is with Tori, when she is home I will have to take time off work here and there but we can only get through this one step at a time.
We did finally sit down this morning and tell Tori everything. She had a great birthday and to tell you the truth she took the news better than myself, Heather and TJ did. I guess because she in her own way knew. She has told more than one Dr., nurse, family member that she knew that something was really wrong with her. People need to learn to listen when a smart , self sufficient, tough kid cries for help.
I probably won't need to update again until next week at which time I should have surgery dates and more info from the Neurosurgeon. Until then I had better get busy beading like crazy and finding more way's to sell my jewelry because no matter how much help we get , this is going to be costly in many other way's So just keep those prayers coming. Love you all very much and we so appreciate all the support we have been getting from you right now.
Friday, April 29, 2011
This week we got results from blood tests and the scan's Tori had on her throat. I'm sorry, I do not have the correct medical terms to put here right now, Heather hasn't given me the paper reports yet but Tori has a certain type of thyroid cancer. Before I give you details let me say that her M.D. tells us that this is a very treatable form with a high success rate. That's the good news. Now it goes down hill, and I can't tell you what will happen when or how all the Dr.s are going to co-ordinate what is the priority here . She will be seeing an Oncologist this coming week. Her M.D. says probably she will have the thyroid and Lymph nodes removed. After 5 or 6 weeks recovery time from the surgery she will have injections (I am sorry I can't remember what the name of this injection is) but supposedly it should kill any cancer or precancer cells that remain after the removal of the thyroid and lymph nodes. This avoids the need for any type of Chemo or Radiation therapy.
I worry how all this will be co-ordinated with the Neurological surgeries. We will have to try to be a bit patient a bit longer while this is all tackled by the involved Dr.s.
This is so very unfair , my anger is so over the edge. I cannot tell you how many times in the er this past winter Tori tried to tell these Dr.s what she felt in her throat. Even her own M.D. as much as we like him, when I took her for a visit with him in January we both tried to explain the pain in her throat and collarbone, I pointed out the fact that she was living on liquids because aside from the fact that she had no appetite she could not swallow. Every last one of them cut her off and would not listen. Her MD gave her Zoloft that day. My insides are shaking right now and my mind won't stop between figuring out to keep her happy and comfortable, wondering how we tell her this, as it is she is scared to death over the surgery on her back and head. She is going to need alot of care for a while and yes I am rambling so I will stop and I will update this post when I have the terminology to share with you and some kind of plan has been started.
Friday, April 22, 2011
She has a leak. The pressure from the bulging disk and syrinx in her back has caused so much pressure the in her neck area she is leaking cerespinal fluid. This fluid is accumulating in her skull and putting alot of pressure on her brain. The space below the bulging disk, is also causing an accumulation of fluid in that area. The "cyst" in her throat is actually a small tumor possibly "residual thyroid" tissue.
He will be operating on her back, doing what ever they do to relieve the bulging disc, draining the syrinx and putting a shunt in her head to drain the fluid accumulation on her brain. BUT,
before they make a positive game plan he wants proper pictures with dye. Not a full body MRI.
He wants one just of her brain. Then he wants one just of her Throat, He wants on just of the TSpine and last he wants one Just of the LSpine.
Heather also has to go get a referral from Tori's MD for a Thyroid Specialist because of course this is not the Neurosurgeons area.
Any way that is what we know today and after all these new tests are done Tori will see him again and and they will create an absolute game plan. In the mean time she has new prescriptions, pain meds, sleep meds, and I will update when we know more. Thanks guy's
If any one has any ideas how to keep a bedridden 14 year old entertained let me know.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
A few day's ago, my daughter broke her ankle. She is absolutely miserable, she is in the middle of job hunting and has a lot of stuff going on in general and this just suspended everything. It is a bad break, going to take alot of healing, may need some surgery after and of course she is hurting. A friend brought her to my house so she could visit and whine and I could see what I could do to help.
Well sometimes I can't help but be a smartass so I went to the craft stash, got out one of my sequined butterfly's and a bottle of glue and went to work. Then to add insult to injury I took a picture , posted it on my facebook with the tag line :"even a broken bone needs a little bling"
I while later she gets on facebook and see's it and after cussing me out a minute she types....
That's it , you got it.....Cast Dazzles by Debsparkles, a bit of bling for broken bones.
Any way this little bit of silliness gave us a much needed moment to forget about all the problems we are dealing with and just chuckle. If only for a few moments.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
That is until last week. I got a message from a sweet lady who liked the bag I made that's in my avatar but she wanted one big enough to carry an Iphone. I have never seen an actual Iphone but I knew it was bigger than the largest bag that I have ever made and it was going to take alot of work. Any way, it has taken a full week of my free time (over 22 hours) just to weave the basic bag. Tonight I shall start weaving the little glass teardrops in to create the flowers. I have to stay focused on it so I can get it done in the time range I estimated to her which is 3 weeks. So this is what I will do until it's done and I will show you progress shots every few day's. Let's see if I finish in the alloted time ;o)
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Invisible Mom
It all began to make sense--the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids would walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not, no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking. or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible mom.
Some day's I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Someday's I'm not a pair of hands, I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it? I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel? I'm a taxi for order, Right around 5:30 please.
Some day's I'm a crystal ball, "Where's my other sock? Where's my phone? What's for dinner?
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music, and literature- but now, they has disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just returned from a fabulous trip and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said, "I brought you this". It was a book on the great Cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one see's"
In the day's ahead I would read-no-devour the book. And I would discover what would become for me four life changing truths, after which I could pattern my work.
1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals, we have no record of their names.
2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof ? No one will ever see it. The workman replied "because God sees.
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
"No act of kindness you'be done, no sequin you'be sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great Cathdral, but you can't see right now what it will become.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friends he's bringing home for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, then she hand bastes the turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then , if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say "Your gonna love it there..."
As mothers, we are building great cathedral's. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at whate we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Where did he ever learn that? ;o)