Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It's not too Early

I have alway's been one of those people who fights working on Christmas before we even hit Halloween. This year I have decided I need a change of attitude and am beginning to work on projects for my shop now. Maybe I will see some Christmas sales this year. Typically I have nothing before Christmas but a number of sales in January. Maybe if I start now it will make a difference.

I haven't posted in a few weeks because I have been in a quandry over a number of things going on in my life. First I am still worried sick about my granddaughter. We still haven't gotten any farther with things because she just keeps getting sick with one infection after another. I am told this is very normal in a person who suffers such a severe case of mono and it could take even another year before she stabilizes to the point things can be done to help her get healthier.
She is such a tough kid and she has lived so long with so much pain it is now her normal and she deals with it very well on a daily basis. Maybe I also have something to do with that because she has watched me work so hard at controlling my own illness but someone who did not know her well would never , ever guess how sick she is. I get scared, I know it's an awful thought but I often wonder if help will come in time. I know that's not a thought I should have but it gets hard watching her try to be brave and not let the world see what a struggle every day is for her.

There are many things going on that are best left unsaid. I can tell you I just recently went through the hoops seeing my MD and my Neurologist. I had lot's of blood work, a stress test, and some MRI's. For the most part things are looking good, I have made slow but steady progress and next week I will have been back to work part time for a full year. I am very proud of that fact. Now here comes the but...........
Remember Henry? Henry the tumor that had to be left in my head. Henry who takes the blame every time I do something stupid or forget something important or fall down when I'm standing still. Yup that one.
All of the sudden Henry has decided to double in size after 6 years of doing nothing. So my neurologist say's I have to see a neurosurgeon. I asked if this was really a big deal and the answer was yes. The fact that it is growing presents the threat of it attaching to my brain. I won't know until I see the surgeon but neurologist thinks it needs to come out now before it has a chance to change.
The upside? This surgery is a piece of cake compared to what I went through with the Chiari Surgery. My mom had surgery for a brain aneurysm and say's that it was not at all painful.
Healing time is maybe 4 to 6 weeks after surgery, wonderful as compared to the 6 years it took after Chiari surgery.
The downside? As I just said above, I have been back to work for a full year. I have made decisions and plans on how to move forward with my life and this may through a monkey wrench into everything. I am afraid of losing everything once again just when I am trying to pull it altogether. I"m angry. I'm angry that once again when I have taken one step forward I am going to be pulled two steps back. But I will get over it. I am just getting a bit tired of spinning my wheels. But then again I will be sporting my 3rd crewcut so in about 6 months my hair will be soft and all my own color of grey once more ;o)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Gone Fishin'

My newest painting finally finished. These last few weeks have been so crazy I have not been able to work consistently. I hate that because I am trying so hard to focus on getting my product amounts raised in my shop. I am getting there slow but sure, but can't seem to concentrate being constantly pulled in 10 different directions. The last few nights I have spent hours and hours just reading on Etsy about the changes with "relevency" I have read blog posts, forum posts, advice, comments and I don't get it and it is driving me crazy!!!!
Then I wonder if I should be making some changes. But what? Years ago I sold well on Ebay. That does not happen anymore. I just sink money I don't have into listing fees and get nothing out of it. I was on Zibbet for a year without a single sale. I have looked at Artfire a few times and I am just not comfortable with it. I have talked with my brother about starting to just list my items on my own website but that costs money and I really like the fact that my website not only gives me the opportunity to lead people to my Etsy shop with a small sampling of what I make , it costs me very little in fees per year since my brother built and hosts it.
Decisions, decisions, decisions!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Tough Decisions

Today my son had to make one of the toughest decisions of his life and put his baby to sleep. Actually no baby, Morgan was 12. A Bull Mastif/pit bull mix she has been his companion since she was 8 weeks old and fit in one hand. Who knew she would grow to be a 110lb horse bigger than my oldest daughter. Her breeds have many health problems but she has been strong and happy and loving right up to about 2 months ago when she started to cough and her lungs started to sound like pnuemonia. She seemed to get over it quickly but this last few weeks she has declined rapidly. She has had a problem with hip dysplasia, common to both breeds, and tumors, cancer is also common to her breeds. Any way she got to the point she could not walk, would not eat, just slept, we would have to carry her out side to do her business a few times each day. Last Friday, she needed a bath so she could go to the vet Saturday morning but the tub hurt her so bad. My daughter ended up climbing in the tub so Morgan could lay across her for some comfort and this is how she got bathed. Saturday the Vet layed out the options and let TJ know he alone had to decide. Gave the dog a shot and some pills for pain. For several day's she seemed to rally, was eating, walking enough to get outside under her own power and was happy just to hang with TJ. Until today when he got home and found her in really bad shape, scooped her up and took her back to the vet. Between the hips and legs, the respiratory problems and the cancer she was bleeding internally and he realized he had to do the right thing for her.
He say's to me, Mom how do I make this decision, she is going to be mad at me.
I said, No TJ she will love you forever for ending her pain,. her job here is done.
End of story.
I am sharing this with you because in truth, I am as heartbroken as my son, I loved this dog and even though I knew this was how it had to be it still hurts and I needed to tell someone that.
Thank you for listening