Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It's not too Early

I have alway's been one of those people who fights working on Christmas before we even hit Halloween. This year I have decided I need a change of attitude and am beginning to work on projects for my shop now. Maybe I will see some Christmas sales this year. Typically I have nothing before Christmas but a number of sales in January. Maybe if I start now it will make a difference.

I haven't posted in a few weeks because I have been in a quandry over a number of things going on in my life. First I am still worried sick about my granddaughter. We still haven't gotten any farther with things because she just keeps getting sick with one infection after another. I am told this is very normal in a person who suffers such a severe case of mono and it could take even another year before she stabilizes to the point things can be done to help her get healthier.
She is such a tough kid and she has lived so long with so much pain it is now her normal and she deals with it very well on a daily basis. Maybe I also have something to do with that because she has watched me work so hard at controlling my own illness but someone who did not know her well would never , ever guess how sick she is. I get scared, I know it's an awful thought but I often wonder if help will come in time. I know that's not a thought I should have but it gets hard watching her try to be brave and not let the world see what a struggle every day is for her.

There are many things going on that are best left unsaid. I can tell you I just recently went through the hoops seeing my MD and my Neurologist. I had lot's of blood work, a stress test, and some MRI's. For the most part things are looking good, I have made slow but steady progress and next week I will have been back to work part time for a full year. I am very proud of that fact. Now here comes the but...........
Remember Henry? Henry the tumor that had to be left in my head. Henry who takes the blame every time I do something stupid or forget something important or fall down when I'm standing still. Yup that one.
All of the sudden Henry has decided to double in size after 6 years of doing nothing. So my neurologist say's I have to see a neurosurgeon. I asked if this was really a big deal and the answer was yes. The fact that it is growing presents the threat of it attaching to my brain. I won't know until I see the surgeon but neurologist thinks it needs to come out now before it has a chance to change.
The upside? This surgery is a piece of cake compared to what I went through with the Chiari Surgery. My mom had surgery for a brain aneurysm and say's that it was not at all painful.
Healing time is maybe 4 to 6 weeks after surgery, wonderful as compared to the 6 years it took after Chiari surgery.
The downside? As I just said above, I have been back to work for a full year. I have made decisions and plans on how to move forward with my life and this may through a monkey wrench into everything. I am afraid of losing everything once again just when I am trying to pull it altogether. I"m angry. I'm angry that once again when I have taken one step forward I am going to be pulled two steps back. But I will get over it. I am just getting a bit tired of spinning my wheels. But then again I will be sporting my 3rd crewcut so in about 6 months my hair will be soft and all my own color of grey once more ;o)

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