Contemplation

No pictures today just some thoughts and a bit of good news. First, out of desperation to pay an overdue bill a few day's ago I posted 4 auctions up on Ebay. Every one was sold, Whew! what relief. This weekend I was a busy weaver and posted a new item in each Etsy and Zibbet. Need to be able to post something new at least once a week if not more often. Today, I was notified that my new cuff that I posted in Etsy was picked for the blog page of today's finds on this website-
www.foundhandmade.com
That always gives you such a great feeling, the pick me up that I needed.

Now the contemplation. I go back and forth constantly with whatever my life circumstances are at the time. As I explained when I first started this blog, my illness and subsequent surgeries permanently disabled me. That being said I have worked hard and come along way since 2004. When my health is not cooperating, I concentrate and work and strive to get my beadwork out there, be a presence wherever I can with the different sites to promote and join in and pray the day comes that this blessing in disguise will help support me. I call it a blessing in disquise because all the years I worked, I worked hard and long hours just to keep a roof over my kids heads and my only sorrow was not having the time to turn my love of beadweaving into a business to see if I could make a career out of it. Being disabled in the way that I have I have the ability to create with my beads as many hours of the day that I want. Somewhere in my heart I beleive that if I stick with it, continue to create, continue to interact, find the right places to market that I can reach the goal that I set for myself which is really not outrageous. Then, the bills start coming in, cutoff notices start circulating through my mail box and I get scared and spend my day's looking through all the job adds, searching for things that my health will allow me to do and there are plenty of things I can do again just maybe not 14 hours a day like I used to. So I email cover letters and resumes. I go on interviews , then I wait and nothing. I get so upset I cry, I have many years of experiance in many fields, I have always been a hard worker, dependable worker, self motivated and strong. Why can't these prospective employers see this? I ask myself over and over why and all the time I am asking, I know the answer. They want to know why I haven't had a job since 2004 and the minute they find out I have had major brain surgery they are frightened of me. I know this, I have to accept this and just stay positive until the day comes that someone can get passed that and see what a asset I could be.

Then- then I get a day like today where my beads have brought me in just enough money to handle the latest crisis and I start another conversation with myself. I start telling myself again to just stick with it. Eventually I am going to start getting the sales I need. Sooner or later the right buyers are going to find me, be patient, keep getting my name out there, keep showing what I make as I get it done, do not get discouraged because someday all the sudden it is going to start working. Yup, the pep talk.
But I believe this pep talk, just have a problem with being patient while I am going through all this mundane fact of life stuff. Does this make sense? Do you go through this stuff? Am I wrong or am I on the right track if I just listen to me? Sure wish an Angel would whisper the answers in my ear cause I get really tired of reassuring me. If you have been where I am please share with me , advice is always a good thing.