Tuesday, December 8, 2009

So Many thoughts

Yes I am back once again, for a while. Much sooner than expected because my angel was watching. I say my angel because how else do you describe a friend that lives many, many miles away and you only have email to keep in touch, yet she knows when you are at the breaking point and takes action? I won't go into details but that is the best friend I have and once more she managed to know without me telling her that I needed a boost. Any way, after reading over my last post I realize how very down and discouraged I was and I am so lucky that I don't let myself dwell to long in that place. While nothing has changed much, have alot of things to sort through I have been doing alot of thinking and am forming a few plans. First let me say, I posted this picture of my house, my daughter has started putting our lights up. I do know I have managed to teach my kids and now my grandkids how important it is to celebrate the season being thankful for what we have and not be miserable for what we don't. We may not have a whole lot of stuff for Christmas but we do have spirit. My daughter is far from done with the outside lights. Funny thing is we are the only house in the neighborhood who decorates and when she is done you can see it lighting up a huge area of my block. We will still continue to make crafts involving the munchkins. Every year I make an ornament for each person in our family and we decorate them together. We make food gifts and if I can scrap enough to have the extra supplies we will bake during Christmas week for ourselves. So basically what I am trying to say is we do alot of things for the holiday that don't cost much and have a great time doing so . I truly believe I have instilled some good value's in all of them.

Next I feel like I want to explain, though I am not sure why , things are so tough right now. Everyone who has been reading my blog since the beginning knows already my own story. You know also my delight in starting my part time job , which I must say is still going really well, I still hurt like hell everyday when I get home and I AM STILL loving it. My daughter on the other hand, has been unable to work for the last 5 months. This loss of her income is truly pushing us to the limit. A few years ago she and my grand daughter were in a car accident that left her truly hurt. She had some surgery and while has had certain problems since was doing well. Last year she started having a problem with her hands, they would be very swollen in the morning and hurt badly but she functioned. The last few months though it has gotten so bad, she cannot use her hands for a good part of the day. When she wakes they are swollen 4 times there normal size, (the right is worse than the left and she is right handed). She can not grasp anything, can not hold anything. I have to make her a cup of coffee, wrap her hands around the cup and hold her hands while she gets it to her mouth. She cannot hold a pencil so any paperwork for the kids school has to be taken care of the night before. By later in the day, the swelling starts to go down and she can do a bit more but not much, she is even afraid of going to the grocery store, grabbing an item off the shelf, she drops it because she cannot maintain her grasp. Can you imagine if she needs something in a glass jar? Now she is having pain and numbness in her feet. Our dr. just finished a big series of blood work trying to eliminate anything like R.A. etc. The blood work all came up fine and he started gathering some names of neurologists for her to see but they were all out of the area. Now, yesterday the dr. office called her and said they have to see her. She has an appointment tomorrow and I pray they have some information. In the meantime, besides the fact that we only have my small income for all the bills, and anything the kids need and food, I am trying to take care of things at home besides just dealing with the physical aftermath of my part time job. It's really tough and taking it's toll.

So I have decided so far.......My disability check pays my rent. My part time work check has to be split each week between the electricity and cable on a weekly basis to keep us on an even keel and I need to find another source of selling my own work. That needs to get better to take care of food and the little things that we always need with children in the house. I am thinking on different way's of doing this and I will come up with some answers soon. I will keep you posted as the ideas come along because your feedback is important to me. I thank you for allowing me to get all this out, that helps, it's kind of like thinking out loud.

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